I discovered that I fucked up the one friendship that I treasured more than anything due to my carelessness and stupidity and came off as a bitch worse than Aunt Rosa instead of confused as I meant to. I couldn't understand a joke, and worse I couldn't understand the second question I was asked and thought it was asking basically "what's your problem/why are you acting this way" and answered as such......
I love computers, but when you type to someone, you can't hear the emphasis on words or how things are being said and it makes things so confusing...computers are cold and calculating pieces of work and only does what you tell it....if only they could turn back time, that would be something
even despite all that, I can't change what I did.... however if I find out that I have that same mental thing that both my grandfather and uncle have that I find most infuriating about them, I will be cursing my genetics for a very long time......and of course I'll be able to fix my stupid problem about myself then. If I don't then it's something I have to fix as I should have no excuse to be that way
still, I've been prevented to speak past email and it's painful to find that out because of all the times I've messed up, it's never come down to this....so I'm fearful that I'll never be able to fix the bridge between us, even though I want to so badly. I want to say those three words that show how much I feel, but I promised that I would never say them again, but it's painful to keep it to myself at the same time........
I'll endure a bit longer, but I really wonder how well if things will continue like this....
